Feeling These

I listen to the radio. I know all you cool kids are too grown or too ballin' or too irritated (by the commercials and top 40 songs) to listen to the radio, but I do. I don't have time to steal music and I don't have money to buy music, so I listen to the radio.

I'm feeling these two radio cuts SO TOUGH right now and the videos are HOT, HOT, HOT. What music are you feeling right now? Radio or otherwise.




THIS VIDEO IS NSFW (NOT SAFE FOR WORK)... not really

I loved this song since Kismet put me up on it. AND because you all know I love me, I sing the song like thi: "Boy you gone think, you gone Ti invented sex."

Zara: Michigan Avenue

I announced it here 13 months ago, but it finally happened. On October 30th, 2009 Zara Michigan Avenue opened. YAY!

I was in Jersey for work and missed the opening party (10/29) and I've been either too busy or too tired to go after work for about a week. I finally made it there last Thursday. I must admit, I've had stage fright because I love the store so much out of town that I was afraid the Chicago installation wouldn't live up to my expectations. I also read a blog review and saw some Tweets and they weren't favorable, so I sort of just gritted my teeth and dealt with it.

Presentation: The store's presentation was awesome. It looked good from the outside and inside everything was very polished. They have a lot of black, whites and grays going on right now. I don't know if that's how they feel the store should be represented overall or if that's just the colors of the season, but I reallly wish there would have been more color. I remember bright, fun colors at Zara in Spain, Miami and New York. France's Zara was pretty blah on the color palette too.

Price: The prices were reasonable. It's important to note that Zara is NOT a discount store. While the clothes are categorized as trendy, the prices are more Banana Republic and Club Monaco than H&M and Forever 21. The problem is that we're in the middle of a recession and in order for clothes to sell at a full, reasonable price, they need to be off the chain, which brings me to the style...

Style: As I walked into the store I was reminded of how traditional Spain is. In Spain, adults don't wear shorts or jeans or sweats AT ALL. Nannies, Au Pairs and grandmothers wear St. John's suits and sensible leather pumps to the parks while pushing baby strollers. As an undergrad, I wore black or gray slacks most days trying my damndest to fit in and not look so American like my classmates with their ripped jeans, Vans sneakers and Gap t-shirts.

Spainards are people who would balk at the casual nature of Americans with our mommy-fit khaki capris, Juicy Couture velvet jogging suits, Air Force Ones and super casual ballet flats.

It was only after I was reminded of the nature of Spain, that I truly appreciated the offerings at the Zara on Michigan Ave, which had a twist on all the classics (black blazer, LBD, white button-down shirt, pencil skirt, bubble skirt, women's suiting, etc), but also provides some trendy pieces.

Zara is definitely for the working professional. Their casual section was nothing to write home about. The real problem for me is that my job is casual, so i'm not dying to pay full price even for well-fitting, well-made work clothes. AND we're in the middle of a recession, so no one's willing to pay full price for anything. AND I've gotten so used to discount shopping (DSW, Target, H&M, Forever 21, Nordstrom Rack), that I don't even know how much stuff is supposed to cost in the first place because I never pay full price. They definitely have a niche market and for some reason, I just don't fit it anymore.

Lastly, on the style piece, much like Zara in France, I LOVED the shoes. Their shoe game is sick. Sick. Sick. Sick! All the true fashionistas definitely need to start here to get shoe inspiration, then you might want to move somewhere else with more reasonable prices. Booties were reasonable here, but sandals and boots were doing the most on the price tip. I would definitely stalk their sales for shoes.

Fit: Most of the clothes come in S (26) M (28) L (30) and some come in XL (32) and XS (24). Anyone who wears jeans with the waist size knows this is problem. I'm a 29 in the waist, which means I'm a large at Zara. I'ma let you right now, I'm not shopping anywhere that has my small behind categorized as a large.

I also found that the clothes are super tight. Even when I try mediums and larges I struggled to get in and out of the clothes. Now maybe I was bloated, but I'm going to need them to add some spandex, side zippers, something. Also, I know I've seen size runs (2-12) in Zaras in the states, so it's baffling to me that most of them in Chicago would only have S-M-L. Attn: ZARA: AMERICAN WOMEN ARE FAT. Change those sizes to make us feel better about ourselves (and/or to get our money, either way). mmkay. Thanks!

Needless to say I took 10 things into the dressing room with me and not one item fit properly. I was pretty disappointed, but none of the pieces were must-haves either, so I'll be ok.

Service: Last, but not least, let's talk about the customer service. They had only been open 7 days when I went in there, so they do deserve a break, but they need some serious training for the sales associates. Of the 10 or so people I interacted with, I'll say 3 were helpful and knowledgeable. The other 7 were either shy, overwhelmed or uninformed. Everyone was VERY nice, but if I'm in a store where I could POTENTIALLY spend $250 + Chicago tax (highest in the country) on some boots, I'm going to need to get some top-notch customer service.

Now, the biggest customer service problem I had was in the dressing room. I took the maximum 6 things in the room and they held 4 for me. The associate in the dressing room didn't know which 4 were mine and I had to saunter out of the dressing room in socks and an ill-fitting dresss to point them out. Actually, another customer's clothes got taken back on the floor without her trying them on. Unnacceptable. This is a communication problem that's an easy solve. Even Forever 21 knows which clothes are mine and you can get a shirt in there for $2.50...

The other problem was associates not knowing the merchandise, which can probably be attributed to the fact that the store just opened. I can be understanding, but I just need them to be more confident and say "Hey, I'm not sure, but let's find out together." Rather than sort of shrugging and pointing me in what MIGHT be the right direction.

Being the awesome customer and brand advocate that I am, I took the time to talk to the manager about the customer service problems that I encountered. It wouldn't make sense to talk to her about pricing or merchandise because even as a manager there's only so much she can do. She genuinely appreciated my feedback and I'm pretty sure anyone who hasn't been to Zara yet, won't have the same problems I had with the dressing room or shy associates. (See how I help y'all out? LOL!)

Anyway, overall, I give it a C- for now, but I'm not giving up on it and I encourage everyone to stop by and make your own determinations. I sincerely hope it'll be a B by Christmas (or just after). If it goes down from here, I'll be crushed like a kid who overheard a grownup conversation saying the tooth fairy really doesn't exist.

P.S. I really hope I win the new blog layout from kay, because my blogs seem so long in this format. I swear, I'm not saying THAT much.

Match.com Final Stats

I almost had a third date, but dude called to re-schedule on me the day of because he "didn't want me to have to wait for him after I got off work" (I got off 45 minutes before him and it must've been too much pressure for him... LOSER!) I didn't return his scheduling calls. He just didn't seem that into going on a date with me. I won't go into the whole story, but it's like shit or get off the pot. I don't have time for the back and forth.

I'm sad to say this is the end of my Match.com journey (not that the journey itself was ACTUALLY that much fun, but the blog comments and phone calls and texts I've gotten about it have been so entertaining. Thank you all for that.)

In closing, my Match stats are:

28 days on Match.com

My profile was viewed 549 times by 271 people.

17 people winked at me.

I e-mailed back and forth with 9 of the people who winked at me

Out of those nine people I went on 2 dates and had 3 conversations with 1 extremely lame dude that never materialized into a date (see above). He was so weird, I just KNEW he would have given me blog material for a week, but oh well.

So... was it worth it? Sure... I guess. It kept you all entertained for a couple of posts, right? and if I ever want to throw a pity party, the SLIM offerings on Match.com will give me plenty of material to work with, but I had fun... so yes, I guess it was worth it. Next time I have $34.99 to spare though, I'm going to buy a cardigan at H&M.

Also, if I ever get serious about online dating, I'm going to try e-harmony. Let them analyze the hell outta me and give me someone's who actually fits (though I've recently heard horror stories about that site too... womp).

Hope you all enjoyed the series.

P.S. Let me know if you want me to do a Tea's top 10 tips for online dating. If one person wants it, I'll do it, but if no one's interested, no need in writing it out. :)

Match.com Date #2

I'll be happy to report that the second date was MUCH better. We went to lunch (I learned my lesson about giving up a Friday night to someone I don't know). Another great thing about lunch is that is has a start and end time.

The guy was 35, divorced, lives in the city. He worked in finance for a non-profit goverment agency more or less and had a lot to talk about.

And since Match.com seems to be all about firsts (I paid for my first meal on a date last time. Womp.) I'll admit this was my first date with a White guy.

He paid for lunch. The conversation was great. He told me a lot about his job and the housing and banking industry that I didn't know. (I love learning new stuff and I appreciate men who have more formal knowledge than me. Makes me feel safe.)

The only problem is there were no butterflies. Now, we only had an hour, so I'm not sure how many sparks can fly over a salad and a baguette, but I didn't get sparks and anyone who knows me knows I need sparks. He IS attractive. Not my type at all. Not because he's white, but because I just like guys that look like they should be in music videos. Model/athlete types. He just didn't fit that. He's more Matthew Broderick, less Justin Timberlake.

We shall see how this one plays out. Since I'm all of a sudden an open book, I might keep you all posted. ;P

***UPDATE*** He never called after our lunch date. I didn't call him either, but I tend to let men take the reigns, so if he didn't call, I'm assuming he wasn't interested. Sad.

Match Date # 1

The one you've all been waiting for: My first match date

So the first guy I went out on a date with from Match.com seemed cool enough. He was 32, lived on the south side, willing to meet me up north for a date and cute. He had a black & white professional photo as his photo and I didn't think anything of it because there are a lot of aspiring actors and such who have photos like that on Match.

He said he liked live music, but he didn't want to go to the Sprite Green event which was basically a free concert with free food and drinks. You all know I'm loyal to my commitments, so since my date was already planned, I went out with him instead of hanging out with my people at the Sprite event.

This fool was not 32, he was 42. And the worst part about it is that I talked to so many dudes on Match.com that I'd gotten his profile mixed up with someone elses and had convinced myself he was 29. When he sat down across from me, I'm like this is neither the face, nor the body of a 29 year old. He had on a muted yellow polo, jeans and black Nikes. But not Air Force Ones, granddaddy Nikes. You know the kind of shoes you're wearing when you're actually working out.

Anyway, the conversation was dry. He was an angry black man, going on about the broken school system, segregated city of Chicago, etc, etc. He always had to have the last word when we were talking (he's a man, so I gave it to him, but damn). He would repeat stuff I already said like he was telling it to me for the first time.

Fake Example:
T: The American flag is red, white and blue
Old dude: And it's red

Real Example:
T: I have 45 days before my lease it up to let my landlord know if I'm moving or not
Old dude: Legally, it's only 30 days.
T: Oh ok, well when I signed my lease, it said 45 days.
Old dude: Oh ok, well, if you waited 30 days it wouldn't be a problem it's the law.
Thank you old dude, for telling me what I signed. UGH!

He complained about how dirty New York was... but he's never been. **eyeroll** Sidenote: Attn Chicago Men: Step Your travel game up. Thanks, Tea.

**Back to the wackness**

So I'm tired of talking about this wackness already. I'm going to attempt to give an abridged version. We met at Borders. Talked. Walked a bit. Found out he was 42. Was a little scared because I didn't want to end the date abruptly and have him follow me home (if he lied about his age, what else was he lying about). As we walked, he started inquiring about dinner. Didn't want noodles, sushi, red meat or pork. That left Chicken, but he didn't want American fare. Ended up at an Italian spot that he suggested. He complained about the menu. He ordered an appetizer with no drink. I order an entree with a soft drink. He fidgeted when the bill came. Asked the waitress if they took Discover. They didn't. Asked me if I had cash. I did. We split the bill.

Yep, you read that right. Your girl, for the first time EVER on a first date, paid for her own meal.
THIS. WAS. THE. WORST. DATE. OF. MY. ENTIRE. LIFE.

Not ONLY was he a liar, dry, boring and lame, but I spent $34.99 (Match.com fee) + $18 on my food just to have the experience. Oh yeah, you read that correctly too his 42 year old ass couldn't (or wouldn't) cover a $31 food bill.

Let's hope Date #2 is better... (and cheaper.)

Side note: to compound how wack he was at one point he asked why I went natural and when I told him it was just a practical decision, he sort of rolled his eyes and said "Oh. I thought you did it because you wanted to be more natural."

I was thinking "Why the fuck would you think that?" But I composed myself. 2 points for anger management. 0 points for the male gender. (Yes, I'm blaming this date on the whole gender)

Match.com and (gasp) RACE

The Race Question


I already know for sure I don't want to date anyone who isn't a Christian. Some people can do cross-religional marriages. I just can't. (Side note: Did I just make the word religional up?). Back to the story: I don't, however, know if I'd like to date outside of my race or not. In general, I'm not attracted to every race. Chris Rock said it best. Black women will give a Jude Law looking white guy a chance, but George from friends is not going to get any action from sistas.

Nevermind Chris Rock, I'd like to think that I'm evolved. That I don't think that love only comes in one color, but another part of me is like are you trying to force yourself to date outside of your race by not picking African-American on the ethnicity chart in your preferences?

Then, of course, I ran into some white dudes on Match who seem to be infatuated with sisters. Love is great. Infatuation with one race over another is not.

I also got SO offended when guys were looking for everything but black women. Or when they just had one race of woman (no matter what it was).

I actually told a guy (via Match e-mail) that I couldn't wink back at him because even though he'd winked at me he didn't have Black/African descent checked on what he's looking for and I'm definitely black. (You can call me an asshole if you want to, but WTH I look like dating a guy who literally said he was interested in every race of women except Black women).

Digressing, back to the point. When people only checked one race at first I thought, wow, how close-minded can you be? But I can't judge them. I actually don't think it's wrong. If they were out at a bar/club/church/picnic/Borders/the grocery store, chances are they'd only see the race of people they were looking for, so why should I hold people to any other standards just because it's online.

It's sad though, 'cause there were some Jude Law looking homies on there could've come up on an open-minded sista. *sigh*

Please tune in tomorrow as I give line-by-line details of my first Match.com date. Trust me, it's a must-read.

Match.com: The Men

Just like in real life, there are types of men on Match. Here are some that I came across on Match:

Old[er] Men
You all know I like an older man. A little grey in the beard (good GAWD, that's sexy). Don't get me wrong a Chris Brown look-alike could still get it, but I have a pretty well defined range of who's ok and who's not. My age parameters were displayed PROMINENTLY on my Match.com profile, but guys damn near twice my age were still trying to get up. Um... seriously. If you might show up at my mom's class reunion Iaintgonebeabletodoit!!!

Short Men
There's a lot of short men on Match.com. I know Joe Castro's about to be mad at me, but if I have my pick, I want a tall man. Two of my three brothers (2 by nature, 1 by nurture) are not that tall and one of them is an excellent husband and one is an excellent father. They're both attractive. They have outgoing personalities. They're awesome, BUT, If I get to sit at a computer and pick who I'm going to fall in love with it's not going to be a dude who's 5'6 (Side note: My brothers are not THAT short, just making a point).

I also have some friends who are on j-date and they let me know upfront that if a guy says 5'8, he's barely 5'6. The point is if I marry a short man, it won't be because I met him on Match.com.

Gay Men
Let's just say that there are men on Match.com that claim they are looking for women, but there is no way in hell that's the case.

The Playboys
These fools have headlines like "Ready for Whatever," or usernames like "MagicStick"they either wear sunglasses in the dark on photos or they don't have photos because they're probably married or in serious relationships. They claim that they make a lot of money and are just looking to wine and dine someone... RIGHT...

The Cheesepuffs
"Looking for Love" "Look No Further" "The One and Only" "Could You Be Mrs. Right" GETYOBIG Jodeci "Come & Talk To Me" face the phuck outta here!!! Um... you all know how anti-caking I am in real life. I'll be damned if I start caking on the internets. That's just not me... not really. ;) LOL!

Question of the Day: Did I miss any online dating types? (can be from your experience or what you've heard from friends)

Match.com: Judgment Time

The best part about Match.com is that for a small fee you can judge people on your computer. Seriously, you just sit at your computer and judge people. And you know me I judge just like in real life.

For example:

He can have kids if he's extremely fine.
He can be divorced if he's wildly successful.
If he's average looking, he'd better be ove 5'10
Actually, he'd better be tall period. (Sorry shorter fellas reading)

He's perfect, but DANG he's the wrong religion
He's who I want, but he's only looking for Latinas (or another race of women that I am not)
He's awesome, but lives in New York or VA. (Match.com fail for bringing him up in my search in the first damn place).
He has all the right stats, but can't put a damn sentence together. Dude, did you really graduate from college?
He's 30-something, never been married, no kids, loves the north side, loves to travel... but he's an Iota. DAMN!

He doesn't ever want kids...
He has the perfect job, but he wants someone who's in love with animals (Do I look like the crocodile hunter to you?)
He takes photos of himself with his shirt off and he's not at the beach
He has the camera phone photo in the bathroom. (Really dude? Really?)
Oh snap, I winked at someone that only has a HS education. Damn, how do I go back on this thing? He is fine though...

I could go on and on, but that's how it is. The crazy thing is that you can see who's viewed your profile and they're just as picky. A ton of guys who looked at my profile that I thought should have winked at me or sent me an e-mail, didn't. They must've seen something they didn't like, which is awesome. It's like, hey, don't waste my time if you're not into Christians. Or if you want a girl who's an introvert, you can clearly see from my profile that she's not me.

It's not any different from what we do in real life, but it really puts you in touch with your preferences, biases, likes and dislikes. Seriously... WTH I look like dating, let alone marrying an Iota. C'mon now.

Match.com: The Basics

So your girl tried Match.com. Not to worry, my membership ended long enough ago for you nosey people not to be able to find my profile. The entire experience was absolutely hilarious and I'd totally [read: maybe] do it again.

My next few posts will be dedicated to the experience. (Haven't you all been asking me to do dating entries for the longest?) Anyway, here are some Match.com basics:

Cost - It costs $16.99 per month if you do 6-months. They charge you for all of it upfront instead of month-to-month. If you just want to do one month, it's $34.99.

Winks - Match starts with a 3-day free trial at which point you can wink at people for free (you have to be a paid member to send e-mails). It's just like a facebook poke. It's total flirting and it keeps your feelings in tact instead of having to send a full e-mail and risk someone rejecting you. I love winks, but a lot of people on Match hated them. I figured no harm, no foul...

E-mails - This works just like you Facebook e-mail inbox. You can also have it set up so a notice comes to your personal e-mail account when someone sends you a Match e-mail, but for obvious safety reasons, you won't just e-mail people from your personal account.

Profile - Ah... the profile. The top is a short headline (Think: How you doin'), followed by your basic stats (age, height, hair color, eye color, religion, city, St). There are some canned questions on the left hand side (Where do you work, what do you like to do, etc). Then on the right side there's an open-ended 4000 character description of yourself. All of this has to be approved by Match, so nothing pornographic and no personal info can be distributed.

Profile Pics - Your main pic is just to the left of your basic stats. You can add up to 25 pics. It's a good idea to have pics hanging out in different settings, so people won't think your vampy going to the club look or your suited up going to church/work/a funeral look is how you look every day.

Match is like the Lottery, you gotta play to win and it's like Twitter the more you put into it, the more you get out of it. I'm not going to lie after those first couple of weeks (when my profile stopped being advertised as NEW), the winks and e-mails slowed down and I actually forgot to log-in sometimes because it got a little boring.

So, those are the basics. Hope you're ready for a journey. I have some stories to tell!!!

See... What Had Happened Was...

(This post ended up being stupid long, but trust me, it's worth it.)

I had an 8:25 a.m. flight to New Jersey. My alarm clock was hating and even though I set it for 5 a.m., it didn't go off and I woke up at 7:26, WAY too late to make that flight. So I showered quickly and packed. Oh yeah, the one time I decide I'm going to pack in the morning is the time I oversleep.

So in miracle fashion, I'm out house by 8:00 on the head. I call a cab, it'll be there at 8:07. I flag one down at 8:04, call back to cancel my 8:07 flag. I put on make-up. (The only thing worst than a stressed woman is an ugly stressed woman).

I call American Airlines to see if the flight is on time. It is. I ask what time the next flight is. 11:15 and it's wide open. Great. It gets into Newark at 2:40. Not Great. My destination is 45 minutes away from Newark and I need to be there at 2:30 p.m.

I call my company's travel service to see what time the next United flight leaves. It departs at 10 and gets in 1 or something like that. Great. It costs $354 plus the $45 ticketing fee. Not great. How the hell am I going to expense a $400 flight because I woke up late. Accounting would kill me.

I look up. 8:35 I'm still in traffic on the same street I live on. Damnit!!!

So I'm thinking... I cannot be late for this. Thinking... there has to be another option. Thinking how am I going to explain this to my managers, the talent, the camera crew, thinking, thinking, thinking. Well, people going to NYC sometimes fly to Newark, since I'm going to Newark, perhaps I'll fly to NYC.

I called the travel hotline back. There's a flight out to LaGuardia at 9:35 getting there at 12:45. Perfect. $150 change fee plus $45 ticketing fee. Not perfect. I'll just wait until I get to the airport to change the flight.

I dial my office because I now need to cancel my rental car and get car service from NYC to NJ. I don't have an admin [anymore. effing cutbacks]. Only admins book car service. I ask the receptionist if she can book it. No, I have to e-mail the admin pool. I'm in a cab and on a short deadline, don't have the resources to do that. She transfers me into the admin supervisor. This broad's voicemail comes up. GRRRRR!!!!

I call the receptionist back, ask for the Car Service number. She gives it to me. I dial it. It doesn't work. I call back (this is the third time I've talked to her in 2 minutes). She gives me the correct number.

I call. I book the service. Car Service Lady (CSL): What's your company's account number? T: I don't know.
CSL: What's the job number to bill this to? T: I don't know.
CSL: What's the purchase order number? T: I don't know.
CSL: What's your flight number? T: I'm not even sure if I'm going to be able to get on the flight to LaGuardia. I'm sorry that I'm basically no help at all, but I don't have an admin anymore due to cutbacks and admins have all this information and no one is available to help me and my flight leaves in 45 minutes and I don't even know if I'm going to make it and I'm really sorry, but I don't know the answer to your question. Is there anything you can do? Can I call you back with the information?
CSL: Ma'am if I don't have a purchase order number, the car won't be there to pick you up.
T: *sigh and smile* (because you sound calmer and prettier when you smile) Can. I. Call You Back. With That Information?
CSL: Yes ma'am.

8:50 Call a team member and ask her to do a purchase order and send to me quickly. Pay the Cab Driver. Stand in a relatively short line at the airport to change my ticket. Change my ticket to LaGuardia. No change fee at all. Do the stanky legg in my head. 8:58 a.m. Flight attendant says your plane will be boarding in 5 minutes. Great.

The brother in the first class line called me over, to bypass the other security line. YES! Get violated also known as security checkpoint. 9:03 Get a bagel sandwich. (No need to be stressed AND hungry).

Check my blackberry and the co-worker wants to know what account she should charge the purchase order to. Get slightly peeved because I only work on one account with her. WHAT ACCOUNT DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD CHARGE IT TO?(I say this in my head, not outloud or to her)

E-mail her back, ask her to hurry because my plane was leaving in minutes. Look down at my phone. 9:12. I have 3 voicemails. My phone was on silent. GREAT just GREAT. I have to listen to 3 old voicemails and let Verizon know if I want to erase them or not. ARGH!!!! VM1. Limo service wants to know the PO number. Erase. VM2. Limo service says I gave them the wrong flight number (of course I did, how else was I going to get them to process the car service.) Erase. VM3. Co-worker asking what account to charge the purchase order to. Erase. My phone rang while I was checking voicemail, couldn't answer it.

Group 4 now boarding. I'm group 2. Dangit! Hustle, hustle.

Board my flight, 9:15. Call the limo service back on the tarmac. She wants to know my confirmation number. It's on the back of the cab receipt in my wallet in the bowels of my purse. T: Hold on ma'am. Please don't hang up on me.

Board the plane, I'm all the way in the back. Awesome. Now she wants to know what flight I'm on. T: I don't know, let me find my ticket that I just put away in order to get the confirmation number for you. T: I think I'm on XXX flight. She wants to know if I'm sure. T: No, I'm on the plane. I know where it's going, I know where's it's leaving from, but there are millions of numbers on an airline ticket and I think XXX is my flight, but no ma'am. I am not sure. She says I have to be sure to get a car service. (A lesser person would have cried at this point)

I say ok, let me ask a flight attendant. Shout to a flight attendant, is this flight XXX. A woman near me answered with vigor, yes this is flight number XXX. (Thank you mystery woman). T: Attention, lady on the phone. Yes, this is flight number XXX and I am sure.

CSL: Great. Now, do you have the purchase order number. T: I have to put my luggage in an overhead bin now, can you hold. Please don't hang up on me.
Flight attendant: Can you put that on the left. (As I tried to put a roller board on the right).
T: Laughs (because, seriously, why not laugh at this point) Sure. Whatever you want.
Flight attendant: *cooing voice* Oh, your shirt matches your luggage. I've never seen that before. That's so cute.
T: *Looking down at my black polka-dot shirt* Oh wow. I didn't do that on purpose because that would be tacky.
Everyone seated near me: *erupts in laughter*
Flight attendant: I'm so sorry, I don't know why I said that.
T: Gives the flight attendant a "it's no problem at all face*
T: Hello, lady on the phone yes, the PO# is XXXXXX.
T: Excuse me Sir, I'm sitting in the window seat. Thanks.
T: Lady on the phone, are we all set?
CSL: Well, I need to call dispatch to make sure this number is right, but you sound like you can't hold.
T: *Seated* Exhales. I can hold. *Hold...*
CSL: You're all set.

Great. 9:20

Look down at my phone. Got another voicemail. Great. It's the limo service telling me for the third time that my flight is wrong and to call them back. Erase. 9:21

Call the travel hotline to cancel my rental car in Newark, lest I be charged some fees. 9:22

9:30 please turn off all electronic devices. The doors are closed and we are ready for takeoff.

Thank God for his divine power, my problem-solving skills and my new anger and stress management techniques. Woo Sah and Praise the Lord!

So... how was your morning?

The Problem with Serial Dating Is...

I don't remember who I dated or why I erased their numbers out of my phone. So when I got a text asking what I was doing for lunch, I didn't know if I should response or erase it. I don't have the exact text, but it was something like "Sorry, I've been so busy, but you've been busy too. I would really like to see you today. What's good?" I like to live life on the edge (not really, but kinda), so I responded.

First, I checked every guy who I thought he could be, then I tried to remember who I gave my number to (to no avail).

So waiting for his response, I thought I'm tired of playing these bald-headed games, so I just dialed the number back.

T: Hey, this is T. Did you just text me?
Dude: *short pause placing my voice* oh, Hey T! This is such and such, why don't you have my number saved?
T: HEY such and such! I don't know. I lost a lot of numbers in my phone a while back. I'll save it down now.
My boy: Girl, my bad. I didn't mean to send that to you... unless it applies.
T: Boy, you so crazy! BYE!

I'm in Jersey today for work (literallly 22 hours). I finally found a reason to go to Jersey. Now justs 18 states to go in my quest to visit all 50 states. :)

Tea's Tangents: Quick Yoga Edition

Yoga is hilarious. I know it's not supposed to be funny, but blogging and Twitter has completely messed up my ability to be alone. Every time I have a funny, interesting or even off-the-wall thought I'm like dang, I need to Tweet that or blog about that. And oh the thoughts I have in yoga class.

1. I swear I thought I heard the background music say WOOOO SAAAAH. The lady was chanting in some language and I was about to cry in laughter. All I could think about was Martin in his captain's house, on the phone with his wife, high off ectasy in a blue fluffy housecoat talking about, "you should see this sexy shit I got on right now." I was like hold it together T, do your warrior pose T, do not laugh out loud T. It was tough.

2. Yoga has all kinds of fun new ways to describe things. Now, your booty bone in yoga is called the sit bone. I'm sure that's not the medical term for it, but it's pretty self-explanatory. So my instructor goes "Come on to the top of your sit bones. Take your hands under and remove all that upholstery to make sure you're properly aligned." I'm in class like wait. no. stop. Did he just call my ass upholstery? I can't make this ish up!!!

If Ti Ruled the World

#iMustAdmit Every song that has an I in it, I put "Ti" in it. Makes it that much better [to me].

Anywho on some pure randomness this is how things would go if Ti ruled the world.

- Public Transportation would always be on time (no matter what side of the city you lived on)
- There would be peace (especially on the 3rd world streets of Chicago)
- All women would have perfectly tailored clothes, well maintained manis & pedis, & precise dye jobs (make-up would still be optional)
- All men would be chilvalrous
- All women who's stomachs hang over their pants, will be required to wear empire waist shirts until they get that situation handled. (Skinny girls included... the muffin top will be extinct)
- No one would cheat on anything EVER: taxes, SOs, spouses, Spades... no cheating!
- Every time someone lied a black comedian would jump out of the shadows and say "you bullshittin'"
- People could leave work when they got done. No more sitting somewhere 8 hours for no reason. To that same end, people with kids or spouses wouldn't leave single people in the office to do all the damn work. You get done, you leave. You're not done, you don't leave.
- Everyone (and I mean everyone) would have have healthcare and mental health would be mandatory. Oh yes, go sit your issue-having ass on someone's couch so you can stop destroying the world (or getting on my nerves, either way).
- True hatred (not to be confused with envious haterism) would be punished by turning you into the thing or person you hate the most. Hate blacks, now you're black (and you won't get any loans or cabs quickly either). Hate Arabs, now you're Arab. Hate Women, here comes your period...

Question of the Day: So what would happen if YOU ruled the world?

Favorite Couples

Ok, I am a big fan of some couples right now. Wanna hear 'em? Here they go...

Tea's Top 10 hottest couples right now:

10. Jay & Bey (I wonder if they have sex on money...)
9. Kimora and Djimon (SO CUTE!!!)
8. Dawn and Que (they're bonding over being played by Diddy on the regular and they Twitter cake often)
7. Eva and Lance (They are going to have some sexy kids!!!)
6. Keyshia Cole and Boobie Gibson (Seems like good personality matches)
5. Common and Serena Williams (she on TV, but she definitely has more ass than the models)
4. Michael Strahan and Nicole Murphy (Love to see old sexy people gettin' it)
3. Holly Robinson and Rodney Peete (She's my role model)
2. President and Mrs. Obama (Duh!)
1. Will & Jada (Sexiest couple, period. I don't give a damn about all those rumors, I LOVE them.)

Gives me hope for future cake shit and whatnot...

Who are your favorite couples?

Two-Strand Twists Tutorial (Well, Sort Of)

Here's how I figured out how to do my own two-strand twists: This is sort of long, so I bolded the highlights for those who aren't interested in reading the whole thing.

1. Watched Youtube Video 1: I found someone who was cute who's video was about 5-6 minutes.(She washed and conditioned combing through her hair in the shower, parted her hair into 4 sections, used a spray moisturizer (Carol's Daughter mixed with Infusium mixed with some other expensive sounding something), then wrapped two strands of hair around each other like regular braids, but using two strands of hair instead of three. Then she used loc butter to secure the two strands in place). After watching, I decided that her hair texture is NOTHING like mine and while the info was helpful, I need to find another video.

2. Watched Youtube Video 2: I found someone who's hair texture looked like mine, who's video is about 5-6 minutes and watched it. (She washed and conditioned her hair combing through in the shower, parted her hair into 4 sections, then wrapped two sections of the hair around each other like regular braids, but using two strands of hair instead of three. She used a mix of heated olive oil and shea butter to simultaneously moisturize and secure the two strands in place.)

I don't have to bust out an IGAP test booklet to show you that I found a pattern. Wash, Comb Through and Condition, Section Hair into 4, Moisturize, Twist, Secure Twists. So I went into my bathroom to see what I was working with. I found some braid spray from when I had cornrows last winter (moisturizer) and some gel from my every day wash-n-go (security).

I followed the process on a Saturday night and it took about 2 and a half hours. I took a break to wash dishes, big mistake. I'd suggest doing it all the way through to avoid fatigue. The twists were so fluffy and cute. Sorry, I don't own a camera, so I don't have any pics. But the real test of time was what it would look like in the morning, because I have major hair shrinkage.

No matter how long my hair is, it always looks the same short length because it shrinks up. So I went to bed and on Sunday the morning the style was... decent. Not really go to work or church cute, but if-I-had-to-go-to-Walgreens-no-one-would-notice-my-hair-wasn't-fly-decent.

I stayed in the house that day watching football, then Monday morning I decided to untwist them making the style a "Twist-Out." And this was the best. They looked like a straw set with a perm or the way my wash-n-go looks everyday when it's wet. Again, the test of time was how it would look the next day.

I'm happy to report on Tuesday morning it still looked good! To me a twist-out with natural hair is just like a roller set when I had a perm. If I tie it up at night, it'll look good in the morning and it goes through curl iterations. I absolutely love textured styles, so needless to say, this'll be my style all winter.

I'll put up a pic as soon as I can steal one from Facebook.